How to Cancel Christmas

My resolve to actually go through with cancelling Christmas this year hardened when I heard that Macy’s has, in its wisdom, once again supplied the 99 percent with a handy list of presents for the 1 percent who have everything already. They do this every season, on the advice of marketing ‘experts’ who clearly need to be shot. But I digress.

This year, I will no longer pretend that I am a Christian, have extra money to spend on presents nobody needs or wants, or spend my dwindling time on worrying about it all. No, I’m done, thank you so much. Instead, I will dig out my old fake tree, decorate it with old and some new ornaments, and invite my family and friends over for the Winter Solstice. This event is special to me, since it’s about the return of the celestial light, an event my Teutonic pagan ancestors celebrated in their dark forests. And this year, it is also supposed to be about the end of the world, according to the Mayan calendar, so it might be a very good time to celebrate. We will all write what we most fear on a piece of paper and then ceremonially burn it, while hoisting a few drinks and wondering about what happened to the future. But always merry and bright. It will be great, and at least we will know that we’re not celebrating mindless consumerism and setting a good example for our grandchildren, who until now, have been under the impression that Christmas is some kind of competition to see who can rip open presents fastest. So here is to the Winter Solstice, possibly the last one ever, and let’s enjoy, okay? And you don’t have to send me a Christmas card; really, I’m fine. Instead, why don’t you join me? It could be a Trend…

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